All Joy and No Fun

All Joy and No Fun
Why parents hate parenting
By Jennifer Senior

In All Joy and No Fun the author Jennifer Senior discusses parenting and how those with children are sometimes more likely to be less happy. She wonders why people are still having babies. Studies that have been done show that parents would prefer to prepare food, watch TV, exercise, talk on the phone, nap, shop and do house work than parent their children. The author describes an episode she had with her 2-year-old son. He broke part of the wooden parking garage she had spent an hour assembling that morning. As she began to fix the broken wooden parking garage her son became impatient and stared throwing its parts at the wall. Just moments before this episode she had been in a state of bliss with her son now nerves guided her. She wonders why most of us choose to be parents. She states that most of us would say we’d be miserable without our children.

Senior says that the idea that parents are less happy than non-parents has become a commonplace in academia. Studies show that if you have more than 1 child there is more of a negative impact on parents.

The author also discusses those people who wait to have children later on in life. These people have spent their adult lives as professionals, thinking there is a right way and a wrong way of doing things. They try the same logic with their children and it doesn’t seem to work as well that becomes frustrating for the parents. Parents today strive for perfection when it comes to their kids, which puts much more pressure on them. Years ago it was ok to have less than perfect kids.

The author goes on to ask the question why do people continue to have children if it makes them unhappy. She writes about a study done by Tom Gilovich, a psychologist at Cornell, who after 20 years follows up with the men and women from his Terman study, he collected information from high-IQ students from California who were singled out for a life of greatness. Not one told him of regretting having children, but ten told him they regretted not having a family.

I have to say I agree with the author on many points. It is very difficult to parent a child I have a 4-year-old daughter who already knows how to push my buttons. I had my daughter at the age of 36 and at first had a difficult time adjusting to this new world and at times wondered if I had what it takes to be a good parent. I loved being a mother but was unsure of my ability to parent well. As time went on I learned how to go with the flow. Before having my daughter I was a professional women in charge of several employees and I was used to things being black and white, right or wrong I was not used to having gray or uncertain areas. I was naive to think that my little child would
Listen to me without questioning me, boy was I wrong. Prior to having my child I thought I was the best parent after having my daughter I now know that I am a work in progress.

I know that having my daughter was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. No matter the obstacles I encounter she is the love of my life. I knew that the moment she arrived and I am even more certain of it today.

Having children is a blessing but we must not kid ourselves in to thinking that it isn’t hard work because it is. I have to disagree with the author that those with children are most likely to be unhappy. I know in my circle of friends we are delighted to be parents and wouldn’t have it any other way.