I’ve decided to begin my personal essay at the age of 36 because that was a turning point in my life, that’s the age that I began to live again. Prior to 36 I was going through the motions of living but I wasn’t living at all. I went numb inside for many years and I forgot how to love, forgot how to live and I lost all passion for life. Sure life was bearable I had a rewarding job a loving husband I was traveling often to beautiful and exotic places but not truly enjoying the experience. I was living a great life if you were witnessing my experiences as an outsider. If only you could see the black cloud in my heart. I was a good actress, everyone thought life was good for Margaret. But little did anyone know that I was just going through the motions but feeling empty, void of any emotion. Often wondering what is my purpose in life where did that happy person drift too? The laughter seemed to go away the happiness disappeared. Where did that girl who enjoyed being with friends and family having fun disappear to? She no longer existed. That girl had been gone for about 13 years.
At the age of 23 my life as I new it had changed forever. My life took a turn that I would never have predicted. My mother passed away on June 27, 1993 my father passed away on August 24, 1993. Within 2 months I lost the most important people in my life, I was a single girl living with my parents expecting them to be there for me forever, but in the blink of an eye my security had vanished and I had to grow up and be responsible for myself something I was not quite equipped to do at the time, but learned quickly.
It was very difficult to get my act together after the death of my parents I became very bitter with God, Wondering what did I do to deserve to lose both my parents. Bitter turned into anger and anger turned to sadness. Sadness lingered on for 13 years.
As I stated at the beginning of my essay 36 was a pivotal time in my life. My old self was beginning to emerge. What happened at the age of 36 was I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl 6 pounds 5 ounces 19 inches long, she has big blue eyes, the smoothest baby skin I had every felt. I believe she was a gift from God. The moment my baby girl was placed in my arms was the moment I felt the black cloud that was ever so present in my heart begin to lessen. I was experiencing feeling’s that had been absent in my life for quite some time.
Let me tell you about Morgan my daughter, she is four years old and the love of my life. She is the happiest child I have ever met, she loves to play, laugh and likes to give you hugs and kisses, she is a loving child with a wonderful sense of humor. Morgan has so much energy that some times its hard to keep up with her and at the end of the day I am exhausted but I wouldn’t give up having her in my life for anything in the world. I have loved every stage of my daughter’s life. When she was a newborn I loved to hold her in my arms and provide her with all the love and care taking that she needed. I will never forget the first time I heard her say mommy tears came to my eyes. At the age of one she began to walk I was amazed how this little child could just one day stand up and walk, she continues to amaze me on a daily basis. Now my baby girl is four years old and what I love about this age is that mommy can do no wrong and in my daughters eyes I am the most amazing and intelligent person in her life she loves me unconditionally and that feels good. Morgan will be attending preschool in September. Where does the time go?
I realize that I am a very blessed person; I have a wonderful husband an amazing daughter, great friends and family. I do love life and enjoy living. Everyone has tragedies, heartaches and battles in their lives and I hope that everyone can work through them and begin living, laughing and loving again. Having my baby girl in my life made me realize that there was more living that I needed to do and there were people in my life that still needed me to live. I will never forget my mother and father; I miss them terribly each and every day but I know that I need to live and live happy. I no longer have the black cloud in my heart.
Margaret A. Diogo
Touching material--I'll make more content comments later...I just wanted to let you know (in time to come to class Monday night) that you do have quite a few run-on sentences here. Maybe you weren't worrying about that in rough draft--which is fine--but i wanted to make sure that you will know how to find and fix them when you're proofreading. Let me know if you have any questions.
ReplyDeleteThat was a very emotional essay, I had goosebumps reading it!
ReplyDeleteI love that you wrote about how your baby girl changed your life in such a dramatic, loving way! When you said, "I was experiencing feeling’s that had been absent in my life for quite some time," shows that you could finally begin loving again. I think sometimes it takes a precious "gift from God" for us to overcome such tragedy that you have experienced.
I thought your description of your feelings as you going "numb," was very clear. I can understand how you felt after having your daughter,I have not gone through the same experience, but I was upset for a while before I had her and realized after that there was more to life to live for. And I think your essay helps the reader understand that.
The essay was interesting because you tied together a very upsetting experience with a joyful one, and at the same time they were both life altering for you.
Hi Margaret,
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you've been through a lot. I'm so happy that you were re-born when you had your daughter. Was there a moment when you realized you felt alive again?was it when she was first born? could you describe what happened inside you when you realized it?
what do you think of starting your essay with 2nd paragraph and moving the first paragraph to the second/ i feel like the 2nd is stronger and draws the reader in a bit more... though the part where you talk about how 36 was when you began to live again could maybe be your very 1st line.
in your 4th paragraph you begin talking about 36 again. what do you think of bringing your 1st paragraph into this one?
I hope I'm making sense.... if you want me to explain better- just let me know.... anyway it's just an idea- not necessary i'm sure.
I loved reading about Morgan. you describe her with such love, calling her "the happiest child". That put a smile on my face.
Your story is touching. I look forward to reading more :)
Margaret--
ReplyDeleteThis is rich material that focuses (I would say) on how the birth of your daughter lifted the black cloud that came down when your parents died.
And certainly that part of the essay about Morgan is ful of sharp, clear detail that shows the her and her importance in your life.
I do sense at the beginning of the essay that you're taking time to "write your way into" the essay, and I agree with Brie that some reorganizing and cutting would help. I do think "At the age of 23 my life changed forever" would be a good place to start, going into details of your parents death in para. 1, then finishing the para. with some "thesis-type" sentence that lets the reader know the essay will be about your recovery from that darkness. You could go on in para. 2 to tell something of what happened in intervening years (marriage, etc.), then get to Morgan for the bulk of the essay.
Also, Brie's suggestion is good about asking if you could pinpoint some particular moment or maybe several of them where you sensed that you were coming back to life.
You've got lots to work with here--I'm looking forward to seeing revised version!